the birds and the bees
I don’t actually recall ever having ‘the’ conversation with my own son but I do remember, with sweat-inducing fear, my own father’s somewhat ham-fisted but nonetheless enlightened attempt to increase my teenage knowledge of such delicate matters. So it was not without a little trepidation that wee Tom and I embarked on such a conversation t’other day concerning the ways of today’s wide and wacky world. Mind, it’s a sign of the times perhaps that wisdom in our relationship is now flowing predominantly in only one direction: towards me. And even though I’m of an age that heralded the long-overdue evolution of LGB into mainstream society, I remain perplexed about when exactly all the additional G, T and Q folk joined the party? But, hey, I’m down with kids dontchaknow and have him to thank for advising me that there’s a couple more coming, so to speak, over the horizon: the Ds and SPs.
D is for the Demisexuals amongst us, and apparently refers to those individuals sexually attracted to people they already know. Yep, the Ds are neither asexual nor merely experiencing a bit of a lull on the dating front, but they specifically require an authentic, tangible and sincere bond with another person before things get up-close and personal. These relatively straight-laced and buttoned-up types like to enjoy many cups of tea, over many deep and meaningful debates, preferably over the course of many months, before pleasures of any other kind are even contemplated let alone experienced. IRL friendship and a deeper understanding has to come first before anything else comes off.
In the current landscape of swipe-to-the-right immediate hook-up culture where, under the guise of flirts and bants, anything goes, the Ds are swimming against the tide. In a sea of dick-pics, faux intimacy and instant gratification, demisexuality gives me a faint sense of hope and optimism that romance is not dead, that patience and perseverance is not beyond us. If something’s worth doing, it’s worth waiting for. ‘That someone’ is worth the time and effort.
And if the Ds have discovered this, then the SPs are fully behind them. The ‘self-partnering/single-positive’ individuals are taking a stance against wide-spread and manipulative commercial marketing by pro-actively embracing an unattached status. Confident in their independence, Single Positives are not waiting for Mr/Mrs Right to appear, do not aspire to being anyone’s better half and have no intention of spanking their hard-earned on some ill-conceived matching algorithm to bring true love to their screen. So, three cheers for those coming out as Ds, SPs or whatever letters take their fancy, and I shall endeavour to be kind, understanding, accepting and tolerant of us all. And long may we all live happily ever after.