Is it just me, or as Brexit continues to lurch forward to its impending deadline date, does it look more and more likely that Bumble Boris is actually going to do it?

Isn’t, as many would have you believe, Yorkshire. And, sadly, I can confirm it isn’t over the Pennines in Lancashire either. No, as it turns-out, God’s own country, with 288 centenarians, is the industrial capital of north-west Italy’s Liguria region, Genoa. Figures, released this summer, highlight the fact that individuals reaching the age of 100, currently numbering almost 15,000, are most definitely on the rise in Italy. And of that figure just shy of 10% are over 105, and counting. Over twenty are aged 110 and above.

Cards on the table, and contrary to what it actually says on my curriculum vitae, I didn’t go to uni. Due to an admittedly dreadful set of A level results I was consigned, in the early 80s, to the second tier of further education, and I went to a poly. Sheffield City Polytechnic to be precise and it was exactly the right decision as I was fortunate enough to pick a course I thoroughly enjoyed, achieve a half-decent result, graduate without a penny of debt and walk into a job that warranted what I’d just learned.

Following Emily Thornberry’s admission on last week’s Question Time, several of you have understandably enjoyed taking the mickey out of the Labour Party’s continued position of constructive ambiguity (aka attempting to be all things to all people). For those of you who may have missed it, Ms Thornberry explained that when Labour wins an up-and-coming general election, the plan will be to return to Brussels in order to negotiate a ‘better’ deal than the one currently on offer. When this is somewhat implausibly achieved they’ll come back to Parliament and campaign against that deal.

Does the world deserve The Donald? And what of Presidents Macron and Putin? Characters all, for sure, but they do appear to have a particular self-aggrandising style where they need to dominate in an almost dictatorial, non-disputable manner. It begs the question do we really get the leaders we deserve?

The ironic joke goes that once upon a time a kangaroo escaped from Birmingham zoo and it caused locals to muse laconically that it would finally put Birmingham on the map. History does not record any further comment on said marsupial and, notwithstanding its ‘second city’ claim, together with the undeniable fact that it produced both the world’s greatest sauce (HP) and its finest confectionery product (Cadbury’s Crème Egg), Birmingham remains firmly off-piste as a black-country backwater.

When asked by a shielded onlooker as to why he was doing this, the Gilroy Garlic Festival shooter, who had earlier posted that the fair peddled “overpriced sh*t to Silicon Valley white tw*ts”, replied “Because I’m really angry”. Angry? I’ll say! Never before have three innocent people, irrespective of their breath, been slaughtered in the name of the humble root vegetable.

This weekend marked Bumble Boris’s, the man who set his sights on becoming ‘world king’ as a young boy, first month as No 10’s principal resident and all I can say is that this wasn’t how it was meant to be. This wasn’t meant to happen. All sides, all parties and all people, myself included, made catastrophic predictions of uncontrolled chaos and endless bluster. Remember, this was the same previously appointed Foreign Secretary that Saint Theresa joked could “only just about stay on message for a full four days”.