no one wants to be an ass


we’ll meet again


rogue’s gallery


it came from outer space


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from tiny acorns do mighty oaks grow

So, as we’re all off to hell in a supermarket trolley I thought I’d provide some solace with the knowledge that humanity is already sowing the seeds for its future regeneration. On the desolate, frozen island of Svalbard, midway between mainland Norway and the North Pole, is the Global Seed Vault.

Awwwww, coochie-coo…

What we undoubtedly need to lift our spirits in these coronavirus-riven days is a Royal baby. Which is why it’s such a disappointment that the self-appointed King of the World’s ‘First Girlfriend’ Carrie Symonds’ Instagram announcement that she and the Prime Minister have “a baby hatching early summer” has been greeted with deafening apathy.

war of words

It’s been a long time coming but well worth the wait: Donald Trump has finally got something right. Almost. His off-hand analysis of the coronavirus crisis, where he helpfully explained “Nobody really knows. It’s going to disappear. One day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear”, is surprisingly on the money.

dumb and dumber

Well that didn’t take long did it. Oxford-educated Dominic Cummings’, our de facto prime minister, cunning programme to recruit more “weirdos and misfits” into No 10 got off to a belting start with the successful appointment, and, er, unsuccessful letting-go, of self-styled ‘super-forecaster’, Andrew Sabisky.

nice work if you can get it

Noticing that the Tate Gallery was advertising for a ‘Head of Coffee’ on the princely sum of £39,500, that required “extensive experience of cupping and espresso quality assessment” made me consider the fate of the eventual incumbent at his first post-appointment dinner party. More often than not “what do you do for a living?’ is the icebreaker of a question in any semi-personal exchange, and exactly how long would it take for the enquirer to ask they had ever shown any interest in tea-bagging as well as the humble coffee bean!

Donald and the giant impeachment

Even with hindsight, and irrespective of the predictable partisan-lines outcome, I do think it was (largely) the right call to impeach Donald Trump. To not have done so would have given tacit approval to his continued behaviours but the outcome further highlights the fragility of both American and worldwide democracy, which can all too easily die the death of a thousand cuts.

Releasing terrorists is the price we must pay

Following a silence of several years our resident millennial, wee Tom, has hit his stride with two-posts-in-a-month and here he asks if the automatic release of convicted terrorists, albeit under licence and with strict controls on freedoms and behaviours, is in danger of setting a worrying precedent.

when preparation meets opportunity

As the debate concerning who exactly stands to benefit financially from our withdrawal from the EU looks set to rage unabated, it’s obvious one person is certainly in the money, Brexit’s principal protagonist, David Cameron. Accounts for his office were made public last week, ironically on our final day of EU membership, and showed he has pocketed the princely sum of exactly £1.63m (£1,630,000.00) over the last two years.

liftoff. we have liftoff…

It’s an irony that on this, the final day of massed sobriety, I need a drink like never before. Today, Friday 31st January 2020 is not the saddest day of my life, but it’s certainly up there with the best of them. I genuinely apologise for my lack of optimism and for my obvious inability to move forward from the (IMHO) disastrous decision 52% of our population made. Sorry, it’s just the way it is and no amount of bell-bonging or coin forging is going to change this.

‘allo ‘allo!

Now that everyone’s out of the ditch and Brexit is getting done what are the implications for the continuation of English as an official language of the EU? Back in the day Dutch, French, German and Italian were all identified as official EU working languages and with us no longer being in the club they don’t need to pander to our lack of multi-linguistic ability. Or do they?

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