Noticing that the Tate Gallery was advertising for a ‘Head of Coffee’ on the princely sum of £39,500, that required “extensive experience of cupping and espresso quality assessment” made me consider the fate of the eventual incumbent at his first post-appointment dinner party. More often than not “what do you do for a living?’ is the icebreaker of a question in any semi-personal exchange, and exactly how long would it take for the enquirer to ask they had ever shown any interest in tea-bagging as well as the humble coffee bean!
Anyone who has read any of my missives on CVs and all they entail will already be aware of my overall scepticism, if not downright disbelief, wrt to the claims made therein. As was always thus I hear you cry and it’s just a case that now, in these employment challenging days, a candidate has to attempt to stand-out from the crowd even more than ever before, in ever-more startling ways. Well, via natural osmosis it appears the overly extravagant claims and qualities have migrated to the other side of the recruiting fence.
It’s painfully obvious that a great number of people believe a great deal of codswallop – from Brexit being a bona fide sensible idea, climate change not taking place, universal credit providing the socially acceptable alternative to foodbanks, gun ownership helping alleviate crime, to President Chump being in hock to the ruskies and so on. By contrast, it’s almost impossible for me, and you for that matter, to accept that we are one of those very individuals.
So, the CV looked good and succeeded in getting your foot in the door. You sailed through the first interview and sounded almost half-credible in the second. The offer was made and job done, literally and metaphorically. Now what? Well, according to author, David Graeber, in ‘Bullsh*t Jobs’ up to half the population believe their jobs have little or no meaning and that “it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t do them”.
Having misspent my whole life in recruitment, I’m forever being asked to cast a critical eye over pals’ CVs or run through the tough-interview-practice questions with them, and in all honesty, long may it continue as I love it! Mind, it does appear that every so often, someone somewhere announces that they’ve reinvented the recruiting process and can ensure a far more successful outcome than I was ever able to.
With over a trillion dollars being spanked on mergers & acquisitions in the first quarter alone, 2018 is shaping-up as a helluva year for deal makers the world over. And with the recent Clydesdale & Yorkshire Bank’s swallowing of Branson’s Virgin Money, the pace shows no sign of abating anytime soon. Having once sold a bit of a company, before then seeing it flogged to a US organization, I know first-hand that such deals always make sense. On paper at least.
Over the last month, wee Tom, has been wrestling with the decision of whether he should stay within his stable, long-term, relatively well-paid chosen career of teaching or strike-out on his Jack-Jones and place himself at the mercy of the booming gig economy. Having taken a somewhat similar decision thirty years ago, I’ve been able to see both sides and have voiced an opinion or two when asked, but it’s his shout: you pays your money, you takes your choice.
Act now! You’re important to me. You do still want to hear from me, don’t you? I’ve updated my communication policy and will not let anyone else use your data. Probably. Yeah, right, like I’d give you the chance of bowing out and not receive my raucous rants.
Having spent a lifetime in recruitment (reincarnation intones I must have been one helluva bad boy in a previous life) people often feel free to vent their spleen at me with regards to recruiters not acknowledging their application, never calling them back, providing feedback and/or not doing much of value in the first place. In many instances they’re probably right and the whole industry does seem to lack the most basic regard for courtesy and manners, with the general consensus being recruitment agents occupy a space on the evolutionary scale somewhere between mould and arthropod.
Having been fortunate enough to have undertaken business directly with Steve Jobs back in his NeXT days I was intrigued to see that a job application, submitted by the supreme being, will imminently go up for auction. With an estimated value in the tens of thousands it was reassuring to see his spelling, grammar and punctuation was just as poor as it had been in his hand-written and faxed offer-letters some twenty years later.