a sucker for a pretty face
In true Mrs Merton style: “So, Pippa, what first attracted you to the multi-millionaire James Matthews?”
Last week saw the nuptials take place between she who is famous for her derriere and he who is currently something hedge-fundy in the city until he inherits his father’s Laird of Glen Affric estate, and my, what a right do it was too. A glass marquee with an enchanted forest within, a 100ft screen so everyone could see everyone else, security wristbands & secret passwords, tables named after her ‘special places’ (Buckingham Palace? Coutts & Co Head Office? The Ivy?), 20,000 canapes served by hand-chosen maidens and a delightful Giles Deacon gown designed to show the still-pert asset off to best effect.
Surprisingly, I don’t really begrudge them their million-pound day in the sunshine, and yes it’s their money but a little less vulgarity in this conspicuous display of wealth & privilege wouldn’t have gone amiss. I appreciate I’m being a killjoy but, in these days of real austerity for the vast majority, wouldn’t it have been something of a pleasant surprise if Lady Glen Affric hadn’t opted for such an ostentatious, contrived, stage-managed, narcissistic event? Sometimes less is more, Philippa Charlotte. Mind, I’ll probably enjoy reading all about it in Hello! next time I go to the dentist’s.
Furthermore, in an implausible ruling, Oxford student and posh-tottie debutant, Lavina Woodward, pleaded guilty to maliciously wounding her boyfriend with a knife but miraculously escaped a custodial sentence. If he had punched her in the face, stabbed her in the leg, attacked her with a glass and launched a lap-top at her, he’d quite rightly be banged-up to contemplate his actions at Her Majesty’s pleasure. Had the assault taken place in Clerkenwell and been committed by an unemployed, single-parent, black woman then I’d hazard HMP Holloway would be getting her room ready for imminent occupation.
In referencing her ‘extraordinary talent’, by accepting the defence’s claim that her ambitions to become a heart surgeon would be dashed, and by conceding universities can be stressful places which cause students to do crazy things, judge Ian Pringle has clearly shown there’s one rule for one, and one for another. Beauty opens doors like nothing else, particularly for women. A stunning lady can sit next to the most important person in the world, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, whomever, and it’s his lucky day!
