letter to santa

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Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat. Please put a penny in the old man’s hat. And the great news this festering season is that, if you can’t remember to do that, don’t worry as the Amazon Echo is now here to remind you of the task. Retail consumerism obviously has to create imaginary scenarios where products appear invaluable to our very existence and ‘Alexa’, or Voice Assistants as is the generic term, has surely to be the most illogical extension of today’s retail-therapy obsessed society.

Yes, it’s sleek, innocuous and, apparently, won’t dominate a room but what exactly is the point? It can wake me up or I could set my alarm. It can read me the news or I could listen to Radio Five Live and catch News at Ten on the tele. It can play music or I could pick a CD, switch a channel and hit the play button. It can answer all my general knowledge questions or I could start reading again and increase my own personal knowledge. It can operate my radiators or I could use the timer. It can compile a shopping list and send it to my smart-phone (if I had one) or I could indeed write one out with pen & paper as I scour my empty cupboards. It can order me a Just Eat takeaway or I could get off my fat lazy bottom and make myself a lovely home-cooked meal with all the shopping I’ve just bought.

Now, I fully get that I’m not the ‘targeted demographic’ but thankfully, I can honestly say that I don’t know anyone, not one single person, that this gadget would either appeal to or would make use of. I do hope Bezos is not intending to turn Amazon into a profitable business with this useless bit of tat. Once upon a time we used to say that cocaine was God’s way of telling you, you had more money than sense. Now, at £150, I think Alexa more than achieves the same, and with such lovely diction.