charity fatigue

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The principle of charity sponsorship is well established. You offer to undertake some unpleasant, arduous, and difficult (or silly) challenge, and in return for the deep pleasure your family, friends and colleagues will derive from the thought of you suffering , you ask them to dig deep and cough up some hard-earned.

Happily, even if your friends liked you before you planned the undertaking, the very act of demanding money will turn them against you. This ensures that everyone says yes as they then want nothing at all to do with you ever again.

Make sure, when passing the form around or directing people to your website, that you get your rich friends (or at least those not on incapacity benefit) to stump up first, so that everyone else feels intimidated into giving more than they can either afford or wanted to do in the first place. If you’re keen to force several of them into involuntary bankruptcy you could even use a non-existent ‘dummy’ as your first contributor. Nice. I recall Roy Ashton pledging up a hefty grand for my own ’24 in 24’ and I’m sure my completion of the event was a contributory factor in his heart attack several years later.

For sportsmen, a certain degree of flexibility or vagueness about the exact scale and nature of the challenge in question is recommended. The aforementioned ’24 in 24’ started out as 42 before being whittled down with each passing month where we failed to actually get out and do any training. Often as not, sportsmen demand money for something they were planning to do anyway, and would do anyway irrespective of any donation. These are on a need-to-know basis.

Finally, remember to hand over the collected money to the charity of your choice. Ideally the one you’ve told everyone about . Don’t blow the lot on a slap-up meal at Claridges…however much you may think you deserve it!