Awwwww, coochie-coo…

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What we undoubtedly need to lift our spirits in these coronavirus-riven days is a Royal baby. Which is why it’s such a disappointment that the self-appointed King of the World’s ‘First Girlfriend’ Carrie Symonds’ Instagram announcement that she and the Prime Minister have “a baby hatching early summer” has been greeted with deafening apathy.

On the face of it, a bouncing blonde baby should enhance both his electoral appeal and likeability but Bumble’s personal life is rather more complicated than first meets the eye. At fifty-five, twenty-four years older than his fiancée, Boris already has four children from his recently-ended adulterous second marriage, and steadfastly refuses to confirm speculation that he has an additional four through various dangerous liaisons.

OK, perhaps I’m being overly cynical and a bit of a curmudgeon but what concerns me more is that our current ‘part-time PM’ (one of JC’s better quips) has been AWOL for months, holed-up in the Foreign Secretary’s country retreat, invisible when the country was submerged in the floods and culpably late on the important decisions wrt coronavirus. Yet, he’s out there in glorious Kardashian social media technicolour to let the whole world know of this impending arrival.

Moreover, if we needed any further evidence of their single-minded pursuit of individual happiness, I now hear the lovely couple have already grown tired of Dilyn, the recently-adopted Downing Street dog. With no mention of a blazing bust-up with cunning Cummings, and Theresa May’s mouser, Larry, being in the clear, it appears the Jack Russell puppy has merely relieved himself on the carpet once too often and is now being put-up for ‘rehousing’. It looks decidedly like a case of one-in-one-out at No 10 but I can’t help but think that, with their previously police-reported turbulent home life, poor Dilyn is better-off outta that household.