avoid at all costs
Mercifully my relationship with cancer is second-hand but still close enough for me to be morbidly intrigued by the cunning, crafty disease and its supposed cures. I read an article the other day that interviewed several respected oncologists and asked them for their views on the best ways to avoid greeting it first-hand.
Universally, they grudgingly accepted that there was no actual cure for cancer and when it gets hold of you, especially if it’s one of the big, nasty and supremely aggressive ones then it’s curtains I’m afraid. The cancer industry, for that is that what it is with a capital C & I, still has three major prongs to its attack – cut, poison, burn ie surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. Individually none of these are nice; collectively they can be more deadly than the disease itself. Believe me, I know.
Prevention however was unanimously praised as being the way forward for individuals’ who wanted to try and take some level of responsibility for best avoiding the dreaded disease. A couple of the interviewees contested that more often than not these amounted to little more than a placebo, but hey sometimes even this is worthwhile. All however advised the living of a sensible life, more in the here-and-now than in some unpredictable and potentially paranoid future. Even so, if life’s no more than a lottery then believe me, I’ll be buying a ticket or two. Here are a couple of the things I’ll be queuing for:
– Don’t smoke. At all costs. Ever. And if you do. Stop. NOW. Nothing stacks the cancer-odds against you quite like this evil pastime does.
– Try not to get p*ssed every night. OK, booze may not as bad for you as smoking but it’s a close second. And besides the cancer it’s certain to make you shout and vomit in the street, buy too many large doner kebabs (with extra chilli sauce for you, my friend) and bid for entirely unsuitable and completely unnecessary objects on ebay.
– Red meat as breakfast, dinner and tea (I’m Northern remember) ain’t going to do you any favours in the long run. Fancy a colon the size of a cricket ball then feel free but be warned, it ain’t going to be pretty. Treat yourself to a lovely steak every couple of weeks and a couple of meaty sausages in your weekend fry-up and you’ll still be a nice person to roll along with. I was a vegetarian for nine years and don’t think I had an enjoyable day in the whole time so there’s no need to go THAT far.
– If like me you eventually go white after a couple of weeks in the sun do cover up. Yeah I realise we all need a bit of the sun’s vitamin D but be careful not to overdose on the stuff. Pale is the new tan!
– I’m sure Berlusconi puts his sexual prowess down to a Mediterranean diet of processed tomatoes, garlic and olive oil. There must be something in this so I’m going to give it a go. Along with industrial quantities of Viagra.
– Go on, get hot and sweaty. You don’t need to be as exercise-obsessed as someone not a million miles away but perhaps get to wherever you’re going a tad quicker for once. And you really don’t need a car for THAT journey.
– Not another headache! For the more proactive amongst you feel free to pop a daily aspirin. Several of the consultants interviewed admitted to doing this but it ain’t for me and the jury is largely still out in any event.
– All heralded early detection as paramount so the minute you think something’s untoward then go get it looked at. Today. Trust me the humiliating and intrusive nature of last-gasp treatment is far worse than showing the doctor your tackle. And if it’s my doctor, don’t worry she’s seen smaller!
So, in your new life from hereon in carpe diem – seize the day, sniff the air, feel the sun on your (shielded) face and treasure the moment.
