a chip off the ol’ block
It turns out my son’s got just a big a mouth as I have and here’s one of his:
When David Cameron announced he would not be taking part in tonight’s ‘talking heads’ debate, there was understandable uproar from the nationwide aggrieved of Tunbridge Wells. Not even the party faithful could fail to hear ‘this lady’s not for turning’ spinning in her still warm grave. Of course, Dave didn’t want to get muddled up in all of this TV debate malarkey, as he really had nothing to gain and everything to lose. As the incumbent, the best he could hope for would be widespread apathy and the constant distraction of Nigel’s Romanians, Ed’s problem with Ed, the spelling of Plaid Cymru and Nicola Sturgeon’s positioning for another independence referendum this September.
The way that social media reacted to the news of David’s reluctance to appear in the debate, anyone would have thought that he had stated his intent to retreat to a mountain shack in Tibet to smoke Havana’s finest with the Dalai Lama. Forget the fact that these aren’t really debates in, er, a debating style that any six-form debating society would actually recognise, these are no more than a public exercise in saving as much face as possible, whilst occasionally trotting out pre-planned lines conjured up two-weeks prior by some overpaid PR goons. What this really emphasised was the issue of accessibility which today’s politicians are currently wrestling with.
The ‘average Joe’ spends only a matter of minutes every week, if not in his lifetime, considering the burning issue of political debate. This discourse, and his lack of interest in the ‘Westminster village’ means that the TV debates are increasingly only important for politicians to convey their messages to their own already adoring acolytes and to feed the burgeoning 24 hour non-stop bemoth that the media industry has grown to become. Both are self-serving but neither connect to the real world of food banks, benefit cuts, queues for the bus and GP waiting lists, let alone inform anyone as to how they should meaningfully use their five-minutes of democratic freedom.
As I have mentioned in a number of previous posts, it is widely acknowledged that British politics is becoming more presidential in nature. The importance now attached to debates is probably both a cause, and a result of this focus on the cult of personality and image. Politicians have, of course, picked up on this, and we must assume that Ed Miliband’s pleading ‘kiss me through the camera’ stare, and appeals to “people back home” (as if he was on some modern day Maginot Line), were part of his own doomed efforts to appear less like the kind of guy who spends his free-time scribbling down saucy Eddie Stobart truck names from a motorway bridge.
However, after recently watching ‘The Island with Bear Grylls’, I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution for both the political and media establishments, one that will engage and connect politicians with voters in a far more revealing and beneficial manner. Ta dah! I give you…‘The Island with Party Leaders’. Not only would this allow the contestant’s leadership styles to be displayed in microscopic form; but surely in such challenging circumstances, some of the leaders may stop resembling autobots sent out on a failed social experiment.
Rather than the same monotonous superlatives currently trotted-out daily by the national news, imagine how refreshing and fantastically revealing the morning’s news from the Island would be! Picture Dave’s tan as his natural oils work their magic, and he looks even more like a cooked ham than usual; Ed befriending the previously undiscovered natives and attempting to unionise their hunter gatherers; Nigel Farage, drunk on a wild concoction of moonshine & homebrew, fending off prospective immigrants at the beaches with a homemade spear, despite the island’s chronic skill shortfall; Mummy’s-boy and idea-vacuum Clegg missing Miriam so much that he has to leave after the first evening; Osbourne & Balls finally get it on in televised hand-to-hand mortal combat; Harriet Hurtful & Theresa May-Not finally admitting their love for the other and shacking-up together; Natalie Bennett getting confused about the number of shelters her impressive collection of conch sheels actually allows her to build, whilst attempting to coerce Nicola Sturgeon into using her radical new eco-potty in the Big-Brother-esque ‘little room’. How long before they’re all shown to be up the proverbial creak without a paddle? Throw in an obligatory ‘John Humpries’ interview and you’ve got TV gold!
