would love to meet
Thankfully I’ve never had the intimate pleasure of internet dating and suspect that I wouldn’t be much of a catch in any event: midget ginga with passion for male-oriented sweaty sports & real ale seeks tall leggy kitchen goddess. But then again, having read a fascinating article in last weekend’s Guaraniad, if I did want to be a success then the last thing I’d do is actually tell the truth!
The article, written from the woman’s perspective, conceded from the onset that it was only for the desperate and that the vast majority of online daters were odd, or dull, or nuts, or perverts, or love rats. Or a combination of the aforementioned. But at least it was slightly more fun than slippers, Sancerre and Sudoku. The author’s first responses from the nation’s largest dating site confirmed her fears: “Hello sexy. You look squeezable but can I first ask ‘do you eat meat?’ as I couldn’t kiss someone who consumes the flesh of tortured animals” and “Hi, I can see from your face that you have shadows in your heart”; Uh oh. And these are the ones that stand out. The ones that don’t are from the remainder of society that all possess a GSOH, enjoy holidays, countryside walks, exotic food, sunsets and cosy nights’ in.
But the real fun started when she began accepting the dinner dates. No-one, and I mean no-one, was telling the truth: ’46’ was obviously way closer to 60, at best; 5’11” lost a good five inches on the way to the restaurant; ‘solvent’ was unable to pick-up the tab; ‘laughaholic’ had a face like a smacked a*se; ‘well-read & articulate’ couldn’t string a sentence together; ‘high-achieving & entertaining’ was anything but! Not one single date progressed to a second and the author’s whole experience leaves me thinking that, in the murky dishonest world of t’internet dating, I may well pass as the ubiquitous tall, dark & handsome stranger.
