what did the romans ever do for us?
You’d be forgiven for thinking Covid-19 and the Conservatives were the first coalition responsible for the effective banning of Christmas but you’d be wrong. This dubious honour goes to Oliver Cromwell and his puritan forces who, in 1643, enacted legislation for the prohibition of any level of yuletide feasting and frivolity, thereby making Christmas illegal for a total of seventeen years.
Being hard-core believers, Ollie and his round-headed parliamentarian pals piously pointed to the fact that nowhere in the bible was there an exact, specific date mentioned for the birth of the supposed son of God, and hence they considered the 25th December as being no more than a feeble excuse for the masses to hit the bottle and fill their cake ‘oles. Which they had enthusiastically done so for centuries. As just another post-civil-war day, and one upon which you were expected to work, being caught red-handed with a heavily-spiced Xmas pie and goblet of special Christmas ale would see you spending Boxing Day in the village stocks.
Over recent years in-the-know biblical scholars have proposed three specific dates for the potential birth of the be-robed one – 17th April, 29th May or 15th September – so, where exactly did the date for our current Christmas jamboree come from? Well, as it transpires it’s yet another thing, along with nice straight roads and the water-bearing aqueduct, we have to thank the Romans for. The end of their ten month/304 day calendar was celebrated by several joyous and lavish festivals including the week-long Saturnalia which ran from the 17th December before being quickly followed by Kaleds, their full-on new year blow-out from the 31st. Smack in-between was the Solstice Holiday which observed the birth of their God of Light, Mithris, who co-incidentally was born in a sparse cave attended by shepherds and their flock. Aha!
Needless to say, removing the opportunity for the great unwashed to riotously let-their-hair down went down like the proverbial bacon-butty at a bar mitzvah, and lead to much face-pulling and nefarious affray. Following the demise of our Lord Protector in late 1658, the legislation was eventually repealed in England by the then recently anointed Charles II. Astonishingly, in another fine example of Scotland being ignored, forgotten and truly overlooked by Westminster, these laws were not formally repealed north of the border until some 300 years later, in 1957!
So, in these deeply concerning and uncertain times with much face-pulling and not a little nefarious affray, give generously to the charities and good causes that pull on your socially-distanced heart strings, be loving to those you care about even if you’re unable to physically visit and at least rest assured it isn’t going to last for seventeen years. Probably. Thank-you for putting-up with my increasing irate rants, incomprehensible rambling and malevolent missives and, without further ado, Merry Christmas one and all.
