dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
It’s difficult to envisage a more embarrassing relative at the bride’s big day than Waity-Katie’s Ibiza based ‘property developer’, Uncle Gary. Kate’s mum’s brother, Gary Goldsmith, has frequently proffered the services of ladies of the night to all and sundry from the regally named La Maison de Bang Bang, whilst chopping up the largest lines of coke journalists have ever seen. But wait, competition is hotting up in the embarrassing uncle stakes as Uncle Andy from the groom’s side takes centre stage.
Regular readers of my rants will already know I’m no royalist and no apologist for the collective body of hangers’ on known as the civil-list, but ol’ Prince ‘Air Miles’ Andy really is a class act. His friendship with disgraced billionaire Jeffrey ‘not quite a paedophile’ Epstein, who was jailed for soliciting teenage girls into prostitution is hardly his first embarrassing encounter. A long term visitor to Libya he has continually taken advantage of their hospitality, along with that of Kazakhstan‘s president who subsequently bought the Prince’s marital home for a suitably inflated price. Now, I cycle past ‘Sunninghill Park’ a couple of times most weeks and if that place is worth £15m then I’m out there training for the Tour de France. WikiLeaks description of him as ‘cocky and arrogant’ would appear to be the least of our worries.
So, whilst Uncle Gary does whatever dodgy deals he does for himself, Uncle Andy does whatever dodgy deals he does for Queen and country. Yep, he works for us. Flogging arms to corrupt regimes and hanging out with Saudi princes is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. Not to worry though as he has the complete support of PM Davey-Boy and the full confidence of Turncoat Cable. Uh oh. Time to prep-up the CV me-thinks?
Royalists do like to harp on about the symbolism of the royal family and how we all are able to draw strength from such symbolism, but what exactly do Andrew and his fellow siblings symbolise these days? Anne’s only seen at the Calcutta Cup fixture where there’s a darned good spread laid on. Charlie’s rarely seen, and when he is, it’s only to the chagrin of those around him, particularly architects, fellow farmers and students. As for Edward, who knows what he does, except that his wife’s PR company landed itself in enormous debt. I had the misfortune of meeting Edward a couple of years ago when a couple of us ran up and down 24 mountains in 24 hours for charity. Upon being told of the escapade he looked me up and down and pronounced “well, they must have been awfully small mountains”. Prince Philip would have been proud.
To state that the royals do seem to have a few teething problems when it comes to running a business is, however, missing the point. They ARE a business and a dysfunctional family run business at that! As such, you’ve got to take your hat off to them as they’ve been adept at keeping the flag flying and the bailiffs from the door. Or gate. They are part and parcel of the indigenous political force that self perpetuates and constantly accrues wealth along the way. Every so often they open their arms to a thinly-veiled mock modernism and welcome a commoner to the midst. This generation’s Diana, Katherine Middleton, is doing her duty of shutting up, putting up, putting out, slimming down and marrying up. Woe betide those sour-pussies that aren’t out fawning, waiving and cheering on the nominated beautiful day, Friday 29th April.
A reasoned and objective debate concerning the nature of hereditary privilege and how this affects our entire democracy doesn’t really go down well in the run-up to a royal wedding but, rest assured, no amount of cake and confetti can hide the blatant immorality and incompetence that appears to run to the very heart of the House of Windsor.
