for sale
Housing experts warned earlier this week that booming house price rises would lead to a catastrophic collapse in house prices.
In the past three months, London estate agents are reporting that house prices have risen a record 30% and that, if the trend were to continue, they predict house prices will collapse by a record 30%, undoubtedly leading to a complete breakdown of social order, widespread anarchy and a possible run on organic figs in Waitrose. One reliable source confirmed this prediction following a conversation he overheard in the wine-bar between two blokes (one very smart in a collar & tie) who appeared to know what they were talking about. The collar & tied individual apparently commented that his house was worth twenty times what he paid for it in 1984 and that it possibly surely couldn’t continue.
In a swift response, the Governor of the Bank of England, rock star Mark Carney, bemoaned the fact that he can do nothing to stop the South East & Cheshire housing bubble threatening Britain’s long-term economic prosperity. “If only the Bank of England had some form of lever that it could use to control the mortgage market, y’know, some kinda interest rate mechanism by which we could impact the interest rates charged by the banks for their mortgage applicants” pleaded Carney “we could potentially pull this hypothetical lever, raise interest rates and the terrible boom would be at an end.” He continued “Or, I suppose I could have a quiet word with Dave & George-Boy and point out their ‘Help to Bubble & Boom’ scheme is causing the boom & bubble that no-one could possibly have seen coming.”
