driven to distraction
I have used my mobile whilst driving. There, it’s out. I try not to, but yes, guilty as charged, your honour. But of course any calls I may have taken were all absolutely essential, probably relating to national security or some such, and I HAD to take them. Unlike everyone else who is just gassing to their pals about what to wear at the party tomorrow.
The modern car has a list of distractions as long as your arm, all designed to make driving feel like sitting in the comfort of your living room. Drivers are now totally isolated and we’ve made cars extensions of our homes. They’re comfy, heater on, iPod playing, sat-nav sounding, noise controlled little boxes and we’re so proud of them. And they’re no longer just our living rooms, they’re just as likely to be our kitchen and dining room. I know it sounds crazy but years ago when did you ever see anyone eat in the car? You just wouldn’t dare, you’d get a thick-ear off your dad for the crumbs and the dandelion & burdock pop stain on the beige crushed velour interior would be there until the car was crushed. Next time you’re out put down the mobile and see how many people you can see eating or drinking. And there’ll be extra special points for spying a bloke shaving (I’ve seen it) or a lass applying make-up (we’ve all seen it).
So, here’s my list of top-ten driving distractions:
1. iPhone or any phone: There’s no app yet to stop people talking, I’m afraid.
2. Sat Nav Sally: I won’t be happy until I can get Sky on it.
3. Stuffing your cake-hole: It’s amazing how far you can drive with one knee on the wheel and two hands on a Ginster’s Chicken Slice.
4. Nodding off: When a driver’s head snaps forward he’s already been asleep for a couple of seconds. Next time you see him ask Dave Gingell to recount his near-death experience the other week…it’ll terrify you.
5. Which exit?: Eh? What? Where? Wait. Wait. Wait. Dither. Hover. Wait. Then dive in somewhere. Anywhere.
6. Shaaddduuuppp: Have you ever tried to administer a swift clip round the ear to an errant eight-year-old in the back of a car and stay in a straight line?
7. Poptastic: Impossible to ignore, especially if the questions are on prog music of the early 1970s or the bonus question happens to be about Lynyrd Skynyrd.
8. Daydream Believer: Drifting along into the weekend’s activities, planning your chat-up lines or mentally undressing the hot new temp in the office next door. And who could blame you.
9. Variable speed limits: Forget about them at your peril. Whack the brakes on, you’re five mph over and expect the fine tomorrow.
10. Tabbing: I do feel sorry for smokers as the car’s their only sanctuary but does it have to take 100% of their concentration? And why are BMWs not fitted with ash-trays?
