By all accounts, 2018 has been a tumultuous year for many. For me, it’s been a bit unremarkable and that’s why, when it comes to taking stock in the dark days before the new year dawns, I find it helpful to restrict myself to cold, hard numbers. Below is my personal statistical index for 2018, using the latest obtainable figures:

55.75: number of years on this planet.

24.4: number of years at present address.

90.6: exact number of miles swam this year in a variety of water.

9: roughly the man-hours spent looking for my favourite goggles before accepting they’ve gone to the great pool in the sky.

2600-ish: approximate number of miles cycled.

0: exact number of miles cycled at the front ‘doing a pull’.

80:20: likelihood of me parting company with said two-wheeled perambulator. In the event, only two crashes resulted in the shedding of skin.

162: according to my diary, the exact number of squash matches played during this, my retirement year.

0: number of competitive squash team matches won since being press-ganged into the Bracknell 2’s.

1.43.19: time it took me to cover the 13.1 mile distance of February’s Wokingham Half Marathon. Sadly, 14 minutes slower than my PB.

6: recovery days, post-half-marathon, before it didn’t look as though I’d sh*t my pants.

7: months spent helping build Sunningdale’s one and only crypto-currency mine.

3800: monthly electricity bill to supply power to Sunningdale’s one and only crypto-currency mine.

4: degree increase in Sunningdale’s average recorded ambient temperature since firing-up its one and only crypto-currency mine.

68: percentage fall in value of crypto-currency before we switched-off Sunningdale’s once one and only crypto-currency mine for being uneconomic.

0: lessons learned wrt investments. If it looks too good to be true, it is.

22: additional number of hours I have been obliged to pretend to work because workmen were in the house. In my experience, it’s almost impossible to spend the  morning lying on a the sofa with a cuppa balanced on your chest watching Homes Under The Hammer when someone is fitting a new radiator behind you.

3: new radiators fitted.

79: exact number of blog posts published on Second Hand Views. Yeah, I know it seems more, trust me I write ‘em!

79: exact number of blog posts Grant Wyatt claimed were too long to read. TLDR.

Told you, not a lot’s happened. On the world stage however, a great deal has occurred and some of this is a cause for celebration:

We didn’t start any new wars. Mind, we didn’t finish any of the current ones either.

Unemployment lowest for over 40 years. Provided you believe the official figures.

UK CO2 emissions lowest since the industrial 19th Century. Fracking is again taking place in Lancashire irrespective of the spate of earthquakes that continue to occur.

Tories in total meltdown wrt Brexit. Labour contradictally confused and only Postman Vince with his twelve-seat party remain steadfastly, er… Remain.

Theresa May somehow, incredulously remains in power. Out of a total of 54 British Prime Ministers, nineteen were educated at Eton.

The age of austerity has ended. Only it hasn’t.

Nobody I know has been stabbed this year. However, the rate of such in London has increased 16% and currently accounts for over 1300 stabbings.

Workspace sexual predators finally getting their comeuppance and super-strong, smart female characters in latest movies and TV series. Need more though.

Affordable-ish and almost functional electric cars finally come to market. Almost.

Google and Apple continue to avoid paying their fair share in tax but Facebook are finally rumbled as the creepy, invasive, analytics driven behemoth they always were.

Over the course of last year, Google stored enough data on each of us to fill more than half a million A4 pages. And we gave it freely…

Democrats control the House and are able to frustrate Trump’s over-zealous legislative demands, although the GOP still control the Senate.

Emmanuel Macron appears, in the face of hi-viz, to have lost some of his va-va-voom but remains unchallenged by the populist Front National. For now.

Angela Merkel has ensured a level of continuation and European stability by ensuring Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer as her successor. Sadly, we’ve done the opposite.

Italy hasn’t gone bust. Yet. Thankfully, Wonga has.

Mnangagwa in Zimbabwe and Ramaphosa in SA remain in power. Both are trying to rebuild their countries following the corrupt Mugabe and Zuma regimes. Probably.

Saudi Arabia introduces reforms, including, shock-horror, allowing women to drive. Whilst attempting to legitimise the state-sponsored murder of investigative journalists.

The average price of a pint in London is £5.19 but you can still get a half-decent pint of real ale in Wetherspoon’s for under two-quid. In the south. No, really.

Happy New Year, one and all, and here’s to the next one.