Sport

Popular perception says the devil makes work for idle hands. As it turns out he also makes work for other parts of the body and this he calls exercise.

Because of the supposed endorphins, it’s really easy to get addicted to exercise and you become so fit that you push yourself to ever-greater extremes, one of which is death. Undoubtedly, the benefit of regular exercise is that you develop a superbly toned body, one that everyone would be highly jealous of, were it not for the fact that you stink of chlorine, continually break off to carbo-load with high-energy liquids and have to stretch for fifteen minutes before starting anything. And, in any event, don’t forget that exercise was actually created for those who can’t handle hard liquor and class A drugs!

I’ve done more than my fair share of exercise: I’m still trying to master the game of squash; have run more adventure races, marathons & ultras than I care to recall; discovered I was more rust than iron in triathlon; continually proved that I have no natural talent on two wheels, have swam often in cold water, very cold water; and don’t ever want to do anything like this ever again.

stick it to the (iron)man

Carl - January 11, 2011

A couple of you have asked me for some advice with regards to this year’s planned ‘going-long’ activities and what you should be doing right now. The first thing I always point out is that long-distance endurance events are not usually as difficult as you first think they’re going to be…provided you put the miles in beforehand. There’s an old saying that’s something along the lines of ‘trophies are won in Winter and collected in Summer’ which roughly translated means the same sort of thing. I for one, felt that I had to all the distances beforehand but realised that I didn’t need to do them all at the same time. That small matter, I’d leave to the actual race […]

win it or bin it

Carl - January 5, 2011

If you can remember the days of Sheene and Roberts, of Lawson, Rainey, Gardner, Schwantz, Fast Freddie and Micky Doohan, even of Valentino and Biaggi, Moto2’s inaugural season will almost have brought a tear to your eye. OK, GP racing has always been made up of the principal factories fielding a handful of very special (and mostly very evil) motorcycles, built and maintained by the cleverest engineers and ridden by the best riders but at least these riders raced a bit and on any given Sunday any of them could have won. In fact, any of them could have lived or died and the only procession would have been the one chasing the brolly-dollies in the bar afterwards. Moto2, the […]

it's just not cricket

Carl - January 3, 2011

What do Peter Crouch, Cameroon’s Roger Milia, the Icelandic national football team, the Canadian ladies’ ice hockey team and now, the ashes-winning England cricket team, have in common? They have all, in their moment of triumph, undertaken and performed carefully choreographed victory celebrations. From lying down and mimicking drinking beer and smoking cigars (the ladies) to robot dancing (Peter Crouch) and portraying events that depict a fishing expedition (the Icelanders) rituals and celebrations have long been part and parcel of sport but all these fall by the wayside when compared to the bizarre and supercilious act of England’s sprinkler dance. Thirty-one years ago, England cricket captain Mike Brearley led his ashes-winning team home, only to discover that not everyone had […]

a smile at last

Carl - December 28, 2010

What a top-boy Phil ‘the power’ Taylor is. Forget all the nonsense about darts not being a sport, the guy trains, practices, analyses his approach, understands the psychology of his opponents, plys his trade throughout Europe and stays sober during all his matches. OK, most of them. But all of that pales into significance upon seeing his reaction to first, being nominated in this year’s Sports Personality of the Year and then to, unbelievably, picking up the silver spot. With today’s sports arena being dominated by brand this and brand that, all strictly governed by a sponsor’s PR merchant, how refreshing was it just to see someone sincerely pleased as punch to just being there and ultimately being rewarded in […]

let them eat cake

Carl - December 15, 2010

Back in the day, we had a strict policy on cake in the Connections office. You had to buy everyone cake, or the alternative Greggs’ sausage roll, if it was your birthday, your anniversary of joining the company, your wedding anniversary, if you got engaged, married, pregnant, gave birth or divorced, if you made a placement, concluded a contract, did your target, made it to the end of the Q, enjoyed a promotion, celebrated a new starter, got a new girl/boyfriend or dumped the old one. Yep, cake, then, was pretty much a daily occurrence and piling on the pounds a constant worry. If only you could lose weight sitting at your desk… In actual fact, burning off the ol’ […]

no pain, no gain

Carl - December 14, 2010

Endorphin release? An exerciser’s high? Nah, don’t you believe a word of it. It’s just a lack of oxygen to the brain caused by not acting your age and trying too hard to impress a member of the opposite sex. You can get the same effect by half-strangling yourself in some strange tryst (usually the prerogative of some such Tory or other) though at considerably greater risk of embarrassment or death, or both, a la Michael Hutchence. If getting high is all you’re after, drugs are quicker, and probably cheaper than gym membership. And whilst we’re on the subject of door-knobs and the INXS singer, sex is a way better high than exercise and God knows that’s neither cheap nor, […]

a little of what you fancy

Carl - November 27, 2010

The recent cold snap and impending snowfall have finally heralded in the close season as far as ‘normal’ sporting events are concerned. Sure, there’ll be an obligatory XC run or two, undertaken in the misplaced belief that getting cold, wet and miserable would be ‘a laugh’ but for all intents and purposes the inclement winter weather will put paid to early morning open-water swimming, long cycles and evening runs. But, for those with big plans and even bigger ideas for 2011, the question is how long this ‘off-season’ should last? The first thing to understand is the amount of time you want to be out of action. If it’s only a couple of weeks or a month or so then […]

where's the fun?

Carl - November 26, 2010

For all their money, all their medals, all their celebrity; for all the glamour, the cars, the wealth, the accolades, the plaudits and for the endless TV visibility there seems to be one thing missing. Just a little thing, perhaps an unimportant negligible ingredient but what happened to sport being fun? Across the vast majority of sports you’d be forgiven for thinking that winning and all that that entails, is all that matters. Isn’t it called a game of football or a game of cricket or a game of whatever for good reason? Because it’s a GAME and truth be told not a lot should rest on the outcome apart from who buys the beers afterwards. For all his witticism […]

is it safe, Bilbo, is it secure?

Carl - November 25, 2010

Nah, not the one ring, but his push-bike, is it safe, is it secure? If he lives in Greater London I doubt it! Bicycles are the ultimate in self-transportable swag for today’s tea-leaves. A prized valuable asset and swift getaway vehicle all rolled into one. A couple of months ago whilst enjoying the traditional coffee stop in Windsor we were warned by the cafe owner to ensure our bikes were locked as thieves now apparently roam the highways and byways dressed in garish lycra with spd cleated shoes, ready to jump on an unlocked bike, clip-in and pedal away. Ingenious and devilishly cunning but the audacity staggers me. Recent 2009 Transport for London figures suggest more than 20,000 bikes, worth […]

it’s all in a name

Carl - November 20, 2010

I’m that old I can remember the days of proper nick-names. Ones that really meant something about the character concerned and about the way they approached their business. Ones that existed before we became lazy, before we stopped paying attention to what our sporting heroes actually had that was remarkable and merely added a phonetic ‘y’ to everything and everything, a la Giggsy, Fergie and Stevie. Cycling’s nicknames have always been up there with the best of them and it’s in continental Europe where you can tell by the nicknames the fans gave the riders that there is a deep understanding and respect. No one was christened ‘the Eagle of Toledo’ or the ‘Angel of the Mountains’ (Frederico Bahamontes and […]