battle of the ballot boxes
Several weeks ago I openly ruminated that if Andy Burnham was the answer, exactly what was the question? Now, upon his coronation day we finally have some answers. Sorta. Kinda.
Following several deep, meaningful interviews we know that milk should go in the cup before the tea bag as it makes the tea stronger, and that Yorkshire puddings have no place in the Christmas dinner and he would pass legislation to prevent it happening. We learned that he is vehemently against single-file queuing at the bar, would ban widespread clapping when a plane lands and that too many footie fans leave the stadium before the final whistle. Last week Burnham ended his acceptance speech by saying he knew what he believed and that he had a plan. Which is a great relief because some of us are still a little hazy about what he believes and what the plan is.
The other great news wrt unnecessary bye-elections comes to us via naughty Nige’s decision to seek the validation of his dodgy deals by the voters of Clacton-on-Sea. Farage’s big thematic Trumpian play was a ‘people versus the establishment’ battle but it appears to have backfired and we are now witnessing a to-the-wire contest between the great man and the comedian satirist, Jon Harvey, aka Count Binface.
With the other parties quite rightly not being prepared to dance to his silly tune, the Reform UK leader finds himself head-to-head with an ‘intergalactic space warrior’ who has pledged to nationalise the pop singer Adele, restore the price of 99 Flake ice-creams to 99p, ban the eating of loud snacks in cinemas and build ‘at least one affordable home’. Furthermore, water company bosses are going to be compelled to swim in the filthy rivers they created. Brilliant.
Nigel will win but it’s going to be interesting to witness the possible coalescing of the left against him. In 2024 he took the seat with 21,225 votes but the total votes received by all other candidates numbered 24,733. Do the math and anything’s possible. No spoof candidate, neither the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, Nor The Pub Landlord, has ever won a parliamentary seat and Count Binface is not going to change that record. But he will undoubtedly save his #500 deposit by winning 5% of the vote, which in itself will mark a significant political first and the contest, where the increasingly thin-skinned Farage will become noticeably more tetchy and irascible, will be a hoot to watch.
Only in Britain would a comedian with a dustbin on his head, and a Prime Minister we know absolutely nothing about, be taken seriously as possible leaders and role-models.
