feels like the first time
The news concerning the arrival of the world’s first coronavirus vaccine being just around the corner, and the subsequent outpouring of unbridled joy, made me consider the psychology and importance of ‘firsts’ in our lives. First bicycle, first kiss, first job, first brief-encounter, first redundancy, first born – irrespective of water-under-the-bridge these heady experiences never truly disappear and you can be instantly transported back by the slightest of tick or action. Contrast this with a ‘what did you do last Thursday?’ and you’ll be stumped for hours.
Meik Wiking at Denmark’s Happiness Research Institute (no, really), states the blindingly obvious in that our memory is better at recalling the novel and unique than the mundane and every-day. He refers to this as the ‘reminiscence bump’ and accounts for the vast treasure trove of youthful recollections we all seem to possess and can call upon in the blink of an eye as opposed to the vague, fleeting recollection of our short-lived third marital partner! Perhaps it should be called the good ol’ days?
It goes without saying that the majority of firsts happen relatively early-on in our lives, perhaps up to the age of thirty-ish, and not as often thereafter. Consequently, our first experiences serve as building blocks in our personal identity and help establish our individual sense of being. They are seen and remembered as being important and become an almost binary ‘before and after’ moment in life: who you were before your first love; before you experienced the freedom your first car provided; before you moved into your first student flat; and who you became thereafter. Firsts can take on a whole new significance in an individual’s development.
But, and here’s the rub, that’s exactly why we need to proactively seek them out. First experiences stem the seemingly rapid flow of time and slow down the feeling that it’s running away with us. This may even go some way to explaining the middle-aged adrenaline junkie, always seeking to get out of their comfort zone in an effort to create all new dopamine-hitting experiences and unforgettable memories. To avoid a depressing blur of ritual and repetition we need to open ourselves to new experiences in order to imprint fresh, vivid and exciting memories. And, in keeping with earlier posts, they don’t need to be wild, extravagant and expensive quasi-bucket-list adventures to far-flung inhospitable corners of the globe, just original untried escapades that are new to you. As an example, last week three of us rowed on the River Thames in an old boat for an hour or two, something none of us had done before, it was a hoot and will stay with me for life.
Seeking out these mini adventures, and making any little adjustments to our modus operandi, not only enriches our own lives but will most likely have a positive effect on those around us. As it transpires, memory is not a random collection of uncontrollable thoughts but is something we can influence and determine. By roping in those eager and gullible souls around us we create great memories for them too, in which you can play centre-stage and reflect all concerned in a positive and benevolent manner. Unless one of the crew drinks too much, falls over the side and drowns horribly, which I can assure you didn’t happen this time around. From what I recall, no oarsman was harmed in the penning of this post.
