jilted john
The biggest show in town is Brexit. It’s all-consuming, all-pervasive and all-devouring. It’s everywhere and it’s undoubtedly going to be on a record-breaking West-End run. Brexit sells newspapers, boosts readerships, spins the media wheels 24/7, makes political careers, keeps naughty Nigel in the public conscience and David Davis off the golf course. Sadly, it’s only the biggest show in this town and, contrary to our belief, mainland Europe isn’t paying as much attention to Brexit as Britain thinks it is.
In France, Emmanuel Macron is fixated on getting his new government up-to-speed and new party fit for purpose. His reform plans weigh far more heavily on his mind and let’s not mention the issue with his First Lady’s position. In Germany, Angela’s hitting her stride in the up-and-coming election that needs winning. The Dutch are awaiting a new cabinet and everyone’s busy falling-out with Poland. Europe’s big-hitters are more concerned with rightfully drawing a veil over Turkey’s lack of involvement in any future expansion, they still have the profligacy of Greece, Italy and Spain to contend with, and not let’s forget the spectre of mass immigration from North Africa and beyond. Yep, to much of the continent, Brexit is no more than a side-show, a starter to the main dish. The remaining twenty-seven have bigger fish to fry, so to speak.
On this side of La Manche, we believe both parties have an equal interest in sorting out a smooth exit and quickly re-establishing equally smooth terms of operation but it is just not so. Bumble Boris failed to grasp this when sulkily arguing the Italians won’t be able to sell us their Prosecco, post April 2019. Italy’s focus is on selling their Prosecco overflow to the other twenty-six countries on their doorstep and within the free-trade zone; Germany’s going to suss out how to increase market penetration of their Audis, Beemers and Veedubs with their close and supportive neighbours; Romania’s baristas will be off to Holland and Polish builders to Ireland. The way they see it, we’ve up-anchored HMS Brexit and are steaming over the horizon out of sight, and out of mind.
The analogy of a very visible and acrimonious divorce has been used to highlight our decision to leave the EU but, as it transpires, I reckon it’s more akin to a teenage break-up. We decided we didn’t want to go-out with them anymore and ditched them in favour of trying to cop-off with one of the exotic new kids on the block (China, the Americas, India). And then, hey presto, Jilted John realised they were better-off without us and can’t recall what they ever saw in us in the first place!
In reality, Europe views Brexit with sadness and concern but they are more than aware that their future is very much in their collective hands. There will be much common effort within the common-market, but we’re in it no longer. European council guidelines from the onset have blatantly stated this: ‘no cherry picking’ and ‘no separate negotiations’. We’re ploughing our own furrow and we’re on our Jack-Jones. Contrary to what Liability Liam would have us believe, Europe’s not in a hurry to make Great Britain jealous, or punish the UK, it’s just that it has moved-on and found someone new in its’ life and, understandably, wants precious little to do with us.
