Sport

Popular perception says the devil makes work for idle hands. As it turns out he also makes work for other parts of the body and this he calls exercise.

Because of the supposed endorphins, it’s really easy to get addicted to exercise and you become so fit that you push yourself to ever-greater extremes, one of which is death. Undoubtedly, the benefit of regular exercise is that you develop a superbly toned body, one that everyone would be highly jealous of, were it not for the fact that you stink of chlorine, continually break off to carbo-load with high-energy liquids and have to stretch for fifteen minutes before starting anything. And, in any event, don’t forget that exercise was actually created for those who can’t handle hard liquor and class A drugs!

I’ve done more than my fair share of exercise: I’m still trying to master the game of squash; have run more adventure races, marathons & ultras than I care to recall; discovered I was more rust than iron in triathlon; continually proved that I have no natural talent on two wheels, have swam often in cold water, very cold water; and don’t ever want to do anything like this ever again.

england cricket on the front foot

Carl - August 12, 2011

It doesn’t seem that long ago when our cricketers were the laughing stock of the cricketing world and seemed barely able to compete against the minnows of Bangladesh and Zimbabwe. Fast forward about a dozen years and following the brutal humiliation of India we’re now the best in the world. Where did that come from? Somewhat ironically following his appointment to the senior role in Indian test cricket, the transformation probably began with the appointment of Duncan Fletcher as coach. The dogmatic and blunt Fletcher undoubtedly saw himself as cricketing’s answer to Clive Woodward. Out went lazy and non-committed players such as the loveable, but ultimately under-performing, Phil Tufnell, whose idea of training was to light up another Marlboro. Big-hitting […]

‘ooowwwzatttt

Carl - June 20, 2011

I read an article the other day that detailed the unsteady lurch of our national game into the scene of drunken debauchery greeting us every time we tune in. It highlighted that the game is now sizzled, sozzled, frazzled, bombed, blitzed, canned and caned. Citing Lord’s itself being advertised as ‘London’s best beer garden’ only sought to highlight that the opportunity to drink all day mattered far more to today’s punters than the quality of cricket on display. As was predicted the ground was packed, the weather beautiful and a mass, highly organised public inebriation followed. What was the result? Who cares, mine’s a pint. But wasn’t it always thus? I remember attending Old Trafford tests in the mid 70s […]

wellington triathlon – simon spitz adds to his tally…

Carl - June 19, 2011

Not content with his seven golds at the 1972 Olympics, Mark Spitz decided to enter the AXLR8 (Accelerate apparently) Wellington Sprint Triathlon earlier today in search of one more medal for the trophy cabinet but to avoid the media spotlight he entered under the pseudonym, Simon ‘Spitz’ Smith. So there we are standing by the side of the pool, Simon wearing the same ‘budgie smugglers’ he wore back in the day and claiming that he’s not been in the water for over two years. I casually explain that obviously I’ll go off first and he’s to ensure we don’t collide when I’m coming back at him. Why, Simon, if you can hold onto my pace then the drafting effect is […]

never too late

Carl - June 14, 2011

Diana Nyad, a long-distance endurance swimmer in the manner and style of Lynne Cox (Swimming To Antarctica, The Tale of Long Distance Swimmer), is coming out of retirement to do battle with the waters that defeated her more than three decades ago. She first attempted to swim the 103 miles from Cuba to Florida in 1978, in a floating shark cage. Strong winds, however, blew her off course, and after 49 hours, her crew quite rightly pulled her out, exhausted and hallucinating. The following year Diana hung up her swimsuit for good suffering burn-out, mental exhaustion and very wrinkly fingers.  Now, 31 years later, she’s back in lycra and is readying herself for an imminent attempt on the infamous Cuba-Florida […]

the net close in

Carl - June 8, 2011

Cycling’s worst kept secret is surely about to be blown wide-open, writ large: Lance is a doper. Tyler Hamilton’s, Armstrong’s most trusted and loyal team mate for the first three of his seven Tour wins, testimony to the grand jury and subsequent appearance on US network television has surely turned the tide against the great man. In a move which justifies Floyd Landis’s oft repeated claims, Hamilton finally ‘fessed up to using EPO extensively and stated that Lance used EPO, that he saw EPO in Armstrong’s fridge and witnessed him injecting it. Furthermore, the real ‘game-changer’ could be the reported testimony by George Hincapie, the man described by Lance as ‘like a brother’, which apparently confirms extensive drug-use within the […]

land’s end to john o’groats – end2end

Carl - May 23, 2011

Sunday 29th May: Arrive London 7.15am relieved and exhausted. Drunken Jocks and fighting Poles kept the driver distracted as the coach filled to capacity. Phew. Saturday 28th May: Done it. Rode into John O’Groat’s at 1.30pm after eight days and one morning and it actually stopped raining to welcome me. I honestly could not face another pedal revolution and hitched a lift in a van back to Inverness. Now sat on an overnight bus to London I don’t technically have a ticket for and could be asked to get off it at any point in time.  Wish me luck. Friday 27th May: On the home-straight. 840 done with 60 miles to go. Still soaked, still knackered and it’s still raining! Consider me home […]

all the way to the bank

Carl - April 8, 2011

Who is it this time who’s taking the mick out of us all? And so knows it. Is it the bankers and international financiers? Politicians? Again. Jeremy Kyle’s underclass? What about Jezza himself? Nope, although they all probably are, especially Mr Kyle. This month’s smug and self-rewarding award surely has to go to Fabio Capello. Much comment has been made of late about Fabio’s poor spoken English, his supposed 100 words of leadership, his recent wretched handling of the captaincy issues and altogether mediocre string of results but one act of forgetfulness puts his attitude clearly into perspective. During the 2-0 victory over Wales in Cardiff, foul-mouthed bully boy Wayne Rooney received a yellow car. Nothing new in that I […]

oi, get outta the way

Carl - February 22, 2011

To my mind there are only a few very select places where an individual is allowed to fully vent their spleen using whatever choice vernacular jumps to mind, whilst remaining out of the reach of the long arm of the law. A football stand is one of them and perhaps a pub car park after chucking-out time. The other place is the Queen’s highways and byways provided the torrent of verbal abuse is directed at some poor unsuspecting cyclist. Spring has yet to be sprung and our group rides can still be counted on one hand but already the number of ‘verbals’ outweigh the number of rides, and by some considerable margin. What is it that ‘gets the goat’ of […]

tweedle dum and tweedle dumb

Carl - February 1, 2011

When asked for his view’s on a woman’s place in football, Ron Atkinson replied, having given it due thought and consideration, “in the kitchen, the bedroom and the discotheque”. Thankfully, it was over 20 years ago and Big-Ron was managing Sheffield Wednesday at the time which surely throws all of his opinions into question. Times have moved on of course and my, how they haven’t changed! There is no need for me to repeat verbatim the comments made by Sky ‘reporters’ Andy Gray and Richard Keys concerning amongst several others, lineswoman Sian Massey (I can’t bring myself to call them ‘assistant referees’), only to say what a couple of outdated nitwits and numbskulls. Listening to what they said, and to […]

before and after

Carl - January 19, 2011

I’ve commented a couple of times on the widespread and apparently indiscriminate use of drugs and doping products in sport, particularly cycling and it has been brought to my attention again whilst reading the excellent autobiography of two-times Tour winner Laurent Fignon, ‘We Were Young and Carefree’. Apart from cruelly being known as ‘Monsieur Huite Seconds’ Laurent brings an analytical and perceptive view to doping throughout the generations and having admitted his own sporadic use of amphetamine and cortisone, his opinion is valued. Fignon’s professional heyday was during the mid 80s and early 90s and the first thing that he is keen to stress is that doping was not the norm. If it existed at all it was hidden, secret […]