apply, but only if you’re up to the task in hand

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Anyone who has read any of my missives on CVs, and all they entail, will already be aware of my overall scepticism, if not downright disbelief, wrt to the claims made therein. As was always thus I hear you cry and it’s just a case that, in these employment challenging days, a candidate now has to attempt to stand-out from the crowd even more than ever before, in ever-more startling ways. Well, via natural osmosis, it appears the overly extravagant claims and qualities have migrated to the other side of the recruiting fence.

Job seekers must now wonder whether they are applying to simply join a steady, common-or-garden company ,and enjoy the benefits of the established labour contract, or to line up with the cast of one of Hollywood’s epic franchised films, so pervasive (perverse more like –ed)  is the spread of ‘adjective-inflation’ within recruitment ads. On one particular jobs website a city-centre pub was “desperately seeking bartenders with superhero powers of hospitality.” Perhaps not quite as desperately as their customers wanted their drink served sharpish and the correct change tendered. Another firm, a humble insurance broker in central Isleworth no less, was “hunting for a call-centre ninja, a superhero in people.” WTF. The need for the traits and qualities of an out-of-work samurai warrior appears in startling high demand as another needed a “black-belt prioritisation ninja” and several expected a “ninja-like attention to detail”.

Meanwhile, those second-tier organisations, not explicitly requiring the superhuman, relied on their future employees merely being unendingly “passionate”. Call me a cynic but passion was never a good thing to witness in the office and, even though I’ve always quite enjoyed my jobs, I’ve always left my passion at the bedroom door and waited until the light’s out, the sheets are well and truly pulled-up and everyone’s asleep. Especially in the office. Being a ninja should be left to Raphael, Donatello and their teenage pals and my advice regarding any position making overly passionate overtures would be to run in the opposite direction as fast as your little superhero legs will carry you!